orSPEAKER BEATTY COHAN, MSW, LCSW
Beginning in 2010, Beatty will be travelling to Colleges and Universities throughout the United States, teaching students about healthy relationships. Visit: www.rateyourmatebeforeitstoolate.com
What Every University Student Needs To Know About Relationships!
Other Topics for Workshops and Speeches:
- Rate Your Mate Before It's Too Late.
This speech or seminar will teach the 10-step formula for assessing who's right or wrong for them BEFORE entering into a marriage or any significant relationship. With a divorce rate of 50% for first marriages, 60% for second marriages and an even higher statistic for third or more marriages , it is clear that we all need all the help we can get in this elusive area of our lives.
- Not Tonight Honey, I Have a Headache.
You will learn the 9 reasons why women and men have problems in the bedroom. Yes, the reasons are different. You will also learn how to resolve these issues so that you and your partner can enjoy the best sex of your life regardless of your age or stage in life.
- Why Most Marriage Counseling is a Complete Waste of Time and
Money.
Learn the secrets of successful couples counseling from a nationally recognized therapist who has treated hundreds of couples over a 32 year period with an astonishing rate of success.
- The Challenges of Dating After 50- It's Never Too Late To Find
The Love Of Your Life-
This speech gives the audience the confidence and the tools to "start over". Whether you're single, separated, divorced or widowed and looking for love, Beatty will take you by the hand and teach you everything you need to know about starting over. - Is there sex after sixty? read on...
LETS TALK ABOUT SEX
When it comes to sex- we talk about it. We argue about it. We read about it. We joke about it. We listen to music about it and we view sexually explicit movies and television programs. So with all of this “exposure” one might come to the erroneous conclusion that heterosexual Americans are enjoying sexually satisfying relationships. Unfortunately, despite what reality television may have us believe, this is not the case.
At Pittsburgh’s Western Psychiatric Institute, a study was carried out with l00 couples who considered their marriages to be either “happy” or “very happy”. These were not couples who were seeking therapy, nor were they people who were complaining about their sex lives. However, researchers found that about one half of the women reported difficulty becoming sexually aroused, 46% said they experienced difficulty reaching orgasm and l5% of the wives stated they were unable to reach orgasm under any circumstances at all. Among the men in the study l0% admitted to difficulty with achieving and maintaining an erection and over one-third reported problems with pre-mature ejaculation. And in men between the ages of 40-70 the erectile dysfunction statistic soars to 52%, which translated to an estimated 20-30 million men who can’t get the erections they want.
If these results are surprising to you, imagine then what is going on in the bedrooms of the majority of Americans whose marriages are less than happy.
So what is the problem? In my view both men and women know very little about sex. Men know little about women. Women know little about men and both know little about their own sexuality. And even if the knowledge is there, sex is still a taboo subject that the majority of couples have difficulty talking about together regardless of age, but particularly when there are problems.
But I am happy to tell you however, that sexual problems- women experiencing difficulty with arousal and orgasm, premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction are typically fairly easy to resolve and usually can be successfully treated within a relatively short period of time. But like any problem it is necessary to acknowledge, address and take whatever steps necessary to resolve the sexual difficulty. Because “putting it under the carpet” i.e. unless both partners are not interested in a sexual relationship, is a sure way to put your relationship at risk. And although women complain that their men have “sex on the brain” and men complain that there is never enough sex, it is important that couples do not let their sex lives vanish. Remember to let your physician know about your sexual concerns, because frequently a change in medication or a need for natural hormone replacement therapy for both men and women can often do wonders for your sex life. Also, relationship difficulties, untreated early child sexual abuse, psychiatric problems; including depression and anxiety, the psychological and physical impact of hysterectomy, menopause, cancer and other physical illnesses can all contribute to a lack of sexual desire. And for men who are suffering from erectile dysfunction, lack of sexual desire or pre-mature ejaculation, a complete urological work-up can yield valuable information regarding the problem including: nerve damage, blocked vessels, damage to the penis and sexual side effects due to prescription medication, drugs or alcohol. Once an accurate diagnosis is made, a variety of treatment options can be explored with your physician including sex therapy, individual and couple counseling, viagra, levitra, cialis, injection therapy, surgery, implants, the vacuum device and suppositories. These days, no couple needs to have a sexless relationship. In fact I have treated many couples over the years who have had active sex lives well into their eighties and even nineties.
So what do men and women want from each other? Women want and need emotional foreplay: good conversation, affection, compliments, help with the housework (without being asked), flowers or a gift or card when it’s not her birthday or anniversary. In short we want ATTENTION!
So men, the secret to your woman’s libido is as follows: Give
her plenty of non-sexual hugs and kisses, send her occasional
love notes, take 30 seconds out of your day to call her and let
her know that you are thinking about her. You’ll be amazed how
this will translate into her feeling more sexually responsive to
you.
But emotional foreplay is clearly not sufficient in itself in
arousing a woman sexually. Unlike men, the majority of women
need a considerable amount of foreplay (about l5 to 25 minutes
of touching, hugging, kissing and manual and oral stimulation
before becoming fully aroused and ready for intercourse). Five
minutes is simply not enough for most women. So now that you
know, linger a little longer and you may be pleasantly surprised
at your woman’s response.
For men, their sexual response is to a large degree related to and directed by visual and direct manual and oral stimulation. But although most men are physically able to respond more quickly than women, I do not for one moment want to suggest that sex is the only thing that men want. Believe it or not men want to be loved, admired and respected. They want a partner-someone to comfort them and listen to them. And no, they don’t always want to be in control. It’s a burden.
So although men and women have different needs with regards to
sex, the challenge today is for men and women to jointly find
ways to successfully deal with these differences. Open and
honest communication, information and education (through
reading, taking courses, and counseling will ensure not only a
better and more enjoyable sex life but an overall more intimate
and happy relationship as well.
Beatty Cohan, MSW, LCSW